how I began healing from past traumas

Hey friend.  Over the years many sexual assault and pedophile allegations have been exposed in the entertainment and political arenas, I had to pause to tell my own story; to validate my own injustices, and to stand in my own truth.  The very first time I can remember being violated was at the age of 12 when my mother’s boyfriend felt that it was ok to touch me inappropriately.   I was raped again at the age of 14 when I was passed out drunk and woke up screaming, “STOP!!!" The next time was statutory rape.. Years later,  I was date raped by a person that I thought loved me.   the guy knew I was underaged and lied to me about his age.. Years after, I thought I'd met the love of my life.  He was trustworthy, consistent, attentive, and protective.... a little too protective at times.  I was so broken and wanting of love that I attributed his stalking behaviors as him loving me and wanting to be every where I was...ALL THE TIME! Yeah... I was underaged when that relationship began and he was an adult.

Yeah,  as I recall each instance of trauma, it still takes my breathe away because I live with the realization that NO ONE PROTECTED ME, even when they knew the truth.  However, I can't stay in that space too long because I also realize the impact of being reared in unhealthy family systems.  When family systems are unhealthy, unhealthy attitudes and behaviors are handles in unhealthy ways.  In my particular situation, I learned very early in my family system that emotional pain is weakness.  My family held on to a lot of family secrets and often normalized unhealthy behaviors.

As a woman, I’ve been groped, touched, and unwelcomely sexualized by men like an animal, rather than a woman worthy of respect. I understand what it’s like to feel helpless, weak, belittled, unworthy, not cherished, and unprotected. As a younger woman, I knew what it was like to navigate the world guarded and wondering who would be the next person to hurt me. I know what it’s like, though I’ve come a long way, to live with the pain of being a sexual assault victim. I refuse to victimize myself because that implies that "they" win.


I WILL NOT continue to give them any more power than they took. They thought they were silencing my gifts.  Instead my pain gave my gifts purpose. My purpose gives me voice and my voice glorifies my Father in Heaven. They thought I was regular, and I must admit, I thought I was regular too. For a while, I bought into that lie and my very persona wreaked of traces of brokenness, but NO MORE--No more secrets, no more shame, no more living inside a bubble of fear, and no more hesitations.  I friend, am walking in freedom and so can you!

I’m not a celebrity, nor were my abusers. I’m not looking for fame, I’m looking for freedom.   Through the grace of God, good friends, and a GREAT support system,  I’ve dealt or am dealing with my past pain; however, many people can't say the same. Many are still living with painful secrets that are poisoning their hearts, limiting their futures, and keeping them bound from becoming the BEST version of themselves.

Yeah, you’ve made some progress and you may have stored it in the back of your mind, but you’re not walking in wholeness. Walking in wholeness means that you have to acknowledge your pain before the healing process can begin. Some of you, because of family secrets, still celebrate holidays with the very ones who abused you. Some, like many of the ones that have exposed their abusers publicly over the past months, work with or around their perpetrators. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY! Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that forgiveness means you have to sit down and eat dinner with people who have violated you or that in order to get ahead in life, you have to remain silent.

I know you may be wondering why do you need to go back and dig up the past in order to move forward?  You may also be wondering how to make the first step or what is the first step?  You may even wonder if it's worth it? You may have noticed that you are going in the same cycles in your life and have tried hard to break them, but with very little success.  This post is for you!  I want others who have gone through traumatic experiences to heal. Confronting issues as such is hard, icky, and in some cases, isolating. You want to know what I decided? I decided to choose ME and to leave a healthier legacy for generations to come. I decided to establish the “new norm” for my family. I decided to be free. So here I am, telling my story, not just for me, but for someone who may still be writing theirs. Allow me to reintroduce myself...Hi, my name is Tiffany and I am no longer a sexual abuse victim... I am a VICTOR!


Dr. Tiffany Ross