Mask Off!

*Disclaimer* Warning, this post may be offensive to some and honestly, I'm okay with that.  My goal is and never will be to help others by telling them what they want to hear, but what will help them become the best that they can be. 

As I was driving in my truck, listening to a message referencing why Christians are not going after nations by Kris Valleton, which was an awesome message by the way, he stated something that rocked my world concerning false humility and self-esteem that left me Wow'd and led me to the realization that humility, used in the wrong context, can actually be tied to issues with self-esteem.  I know, you may not have had the same reaction that I had, but that's ok.  By the end of this post, I believe that you will have your own WOW moment that will lead to change, like it did for me.  What was it about that simple sentence that grabbed my attention? I'm glad you asked!  About two weeks prior to listening to that particular message, I had a moment where I realized that I was scared of success.  Most people are scared of failure, but I, my friend, was scared of success.  I knew that when attempting something new, failure was inevitable, but the thought of my failed attempts leading to success scared me to my core.  So I masked this fear of success with what Kris Valleton noted as false humility. 

How did this false humility manifest?  I would downplay my successes and negatively exacerbate my failures.  I also would be very dismissive of the positive ideas, characteristics, and qualities that I knew were unique, to make myself somehow feel NORMAL?  Yes, that's a question mark behind normal, because no one is truly normal, that too is a false illusion!  In my new discovery of my own fear of success, I realized that it was deeply rooted in my self-esteem issues that I've struggled with for many years.  

For some reason, I could not fathom why me, a country girl

with MANY different issues, who had every strike against her to fail, was worthy to carry such phenomenal assignments.  If they succeed, then what?  Because I was so use to rugs being snatched from up under me, I carried my God-given responsibilities, talents, and purpose with a care similar to a first-time mother's over protectiveness of their newborn.  I. Didn't. Want. To. Let. Go.  I feared that if these ideas soared, they would eventually pop or get stuck like a balloon released into the air. 

I feared that they would hit an invisible glass ceiling, that many African-Americans have encountered with success.  But something happened after I finished that message.. I stopped caring about the fear and started focusing on my assignments.  I stopped wondering about what would be the next step and started doing what I could do with what I had.  I stopped waiting on someone (whomever I was waiting on) to give me permission and I gave myself permission to just be.  In short, I gave myself permission to overcome my self-esteem issues because I realized that they only stem from my own somewhat skewed view of myself because my Father in Heaven thinks the World of me (and He thinks the World of you too).

That was alot friend, but I'm certain that I'm not the only one who needs to decide to live.  I'm not the only one out there who may be struggling with self-esteem issues and labeling it humility.  I am not the only one who needed a spiritual awakening, some of you do as well.  I know that for some, it is hard to get the support you need to overcome your fears.  For those who need support, I can be reached at old2newcreations@gmail.com or a simple reply to this post can be the step you need to no longer live in fear. 

Blessings and Peace,